Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
