You're so nebulous sometimes
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
