Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
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I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
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I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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