so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
