fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
