Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
