my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
