Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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