from now on my penis is your penis
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
