with your own penis?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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