ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
