I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
