I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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