Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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