I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
