At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
