im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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