You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
