If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i would punch a child for taco bell
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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