By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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