i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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