You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We're too hungover to prance.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize