I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
