were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
