how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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