I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
