I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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