You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
