please come you make the beer taste better
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
