you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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