she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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