I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
