thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We just shotgunned beers for America
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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