That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
