Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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