Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
is that a dick in a sweater?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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