You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
