I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
