So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I am midnight drunk by noon
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
