So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
