My first STD was from a foam party
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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