I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
