; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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