i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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