My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
