My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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