she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
