hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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