WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
