Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
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I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
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You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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