His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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