i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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