i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
