Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
