I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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