I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
