oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
