Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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